..Love story of a kid..

I sometimes do love to fill my free time with reading kid's love story.. They are just 22 years old, 21, and might be younger.. For now, I keep saying that learn to live your life first before you wanna grab someone else into it. But it's a perfect experiences though. Life experiences. To be loved and to be hurt and then to be loved by someone who really loves you..

I once fell in love when I was young. Okay, it might be a lie since it might not be just once. But yeah, I've felt that kind of feeling. Feeling of always wanna be together, always wanna hear from each other, always wanna tell everything to each other, all the jealousy inside, arguments.. Lots of it and most of everything.. Then we felt that the relationship cannot last long, made decisions to end up the relationship and live the world alone again.. Then someone find us being single and accept us as who we are and finally, boom! The relationship ends with a new family formed..

It's not wrong to have that feeling. I always knew that there's always a reason behind everything. When I read those kid's love story, I always smile to myself and said "when the time is right, you will find someone right for you".. :)

p/s: to my lovely friend, I can guess that something is wrong with your relationship with the one you loved before and now you are trying to build a new relationship with someone new. Be patient, darling. Sometimes we never realized that the person who always been made for you is just right in front of your eyes. Believe what your heart says, because sometimes it's totally right. May ALLAH always be with you and gives you strength to get you through everything. Remember, I always be here if you need a shoulder to cry on. Miss you, babe.. ;)

..Nice world..

I am writing this while enjoying my breakfast in the office.. and yes, I can only do this when my manager is on leave (hehe..I love you Teresa.. ;p).. and also yes, I know it's quite a long time since I wrote something in here..

I know I had a nice world when I can come to work with a smile and having no stress, got a time to have breakfast and write something or maybe read something, and continue to work without anyone says anything.. I know I had a nice world when I can have a ladies night out after work with my colleagues or a date with my fiance without thinking of anything.. I know I had a nice world when I can call my mom whenever I want and tell her everything that happened and laughing with her and listen to her version of story..

There are certain times when I forgot that this world is actually very nice.. full of it's own stories.. unique and beautiful stories.. Yup, there's always a sunshine beyond rain.. always a good time beyond pain.. It's just depends on how we appreciate this world.. our world.. others' world..

2012 is nearly coming.. very near.. I am ready to face anything in front.. being tough is tough, but everything that has passed in this year always made me stronger and stronger.. made me knew myself well.. I am 23.. and will be 24.. and I guess I will be matured enough to create a beautiful world of mine..

2012.. I will be a 24 years old lady.. will be leaving old bitter stories of mine.. will carry forward sweet memories of 23 years of life.. will be having new family.. will be a good wife to someone I love, a good daughter to my parent and in-law, a good sister to my beautiful and handsome brothers and sisters, and a good friends to everyone.. and not forgetting, I always ready to dedicate myself to ALLAH.. insyaALLAH..

Ahh... what a nice world I have... :)

..Sahabat? Tengok dululah..

Sekali lagi menulis dengan bahasa sendiri..
Bukannya terkilan..sekadar berkongsi..
Sebelum mula, bersihkanlah hati..
Agar kata tidak menyakiti..

Ku mulakan dengan nama ALLAH yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani..

Kesal, terkilan, marah, sedih.. Semua emosi ada.. Bercampur jadi satu.. Bersyukur, masih ada yang menyayangi walaupun terluka sana sini.. Tak mengapa.. Lumrah kehidupan.. Harus warna-warni.. Kelam kalau satu rona sahaja.. Baju pun nak berbunga-bunga.. Kan? :)

Aku sebenarnya tak suka nak menulis tentang perkara-perkara sebegini.. Sebab bunyinya macam mengata walaupun ditulis secara umum.. Tapi keadaan sekeliling membuatkan kata-kata ini tetap nak termuntah dari hati dan emosi.. Kedua-duanya tau.. Bukan tak seimbang dengan hanya menggunakan satu elemen sahaja..

Kasihan melihat orang-orang yang takut dengan bayang-bayang sendiri. Merasakan diri sangat betul sehinggakan 1000 kebaikan orang ditutup dengan hanya kesilapan-kesilapan kecil. Perempuan, lelaki, tua, muda.. semua sama.. tiada pengecualian dibuat.. Yang buat aku tertawa kecil, sendiri mengaku diri baik, sendiri buat silap, sendiri sedar bahawa itu kesilapan sendiri, sendiri melarikan diri.. Hey kawan! Kelakarlah kau ni! Sumpah aku gelak guling-guling tengok keadaan kau yang tak senang duduk itu. Bak kata orang tua-tua, panas punggung. Heh! Maaf ya. Sudah terkasar. Sebab tu aku kata aku menulis kali ni menggunakan 2 elemen. :)

Maafkan aku ya ALLAH kerana mempunyai perasaan seperti ini. Mentertawakan saudara sendiri kerana kesilapan yang dia lakukan. Tapi apakan daya, aku tak pandai menipu. Apatah lagi berpura-pura. Jadi, lebih baik ku lepaskan saja. Bimbang nanti jadi dosa hati pula..

Maafkan mereka, mereka tiada nilai

Ibu bapa lalai dari kecil dah diabai

Tanpa kasih sayang, mereka suka menyakiti

Kita kongsi warna mata tapi tidak warna hati

Ternyata, lirik ini betul berdasarkan apa yang aku lalui. Kasihan apabila orang-orang yang kurang kasih sayang ini tidak pernah mahu mengakui kesilapan sendiri. Hanya mahu orang lain memenuhi kehendak mereka. Tapi, dah nama pun kurang kasih sayang.. nak buat macammana lagi..

Jangan ahli sihir seru nama maharaja

Nanti segerombolan hantu bisu yang menjelma

Guna hak berfikir sebelum hak untuk bersuara

Kalau terpelajar sila guna hak miranda

Maaf saudari, saudari memang telah menjadi ahli sihir yang menyeru nama maharaja ini sehingga segerombolan hantu bisu telah berkata-kata.. Saudari pergi, saya sedikit pun tak kesal.. Malah sudah menjangka ini memang akan terjadi. Jangan saudari berpaling lagi kalau tidak mahu malu, ya!

Aku maafkan kamu

Tak perlu kita bertemu

Cukup kau tahu yang aku maafkan kamu

Tolong teruskan hidup

Jangan sebut namaku

Kepada sekalian sahabat, teman, kawan.. Jangan sesekali mementingkan diri sendiri.. Jadilah kawan yang baik kepada semua orang.. Berkawan bukan bermakna "anda single, kawan anda juga harus single" dan "anda berdua, tak pedulilah kalau kawan anda single". Bukan juga bermakna "anda susah, anda cari kawan anda" dan "anda senang, lantaklah kawan anda nak gembira atau menangis". Kawan adalah orang yang walaupun jarang dihubungi, namun tetap di hati.. Kawan adalah orang yang sudi berkongsi suka duka hidup dalam alam ni. Kalau anda tidak mahu merasa kehilangan, jangan jadi kawan yang 'jual ikan'.

Oh! Satu lagi pesanan. Doakanlah yang terbaik untuk kawan-kawan anda walaupun perangai kawan anda itu memang yang paling teruk yang pernah anda jumpa. Sebab kebaikan tu akan datang kat kita juga nanti. Tak perlulah menilai; "dia jahat, saya tak perlu berkawan dengan dia sebab saya baik dan berhati mulia", kerana semua itu bullshit!! Semua orang pun ada baik dan buruknya. Anda tidak terkecuali. :)

p/s: kepada bekas kawan aku yang sekarang dah melarikan diri tu, maaf..aku tak boleh tunggu kau untuk bertunang.. aku jugak tak boleh penuhi permintaan kau untuk tinggalkan tunang aku.. sebab alhamdulillah.. buruk baik dia, aku terima seadanya dan begitu juga dia.. dan dia memang serius bersama aku.. kalau tak, dia tak akan menunggu bertahun-tahun untuk kami bertunang dan insyaALLAH berkahwin.. walaupun kau kata "tak semestinya dia melamar kau selepas 3 hari kenal dan semua lancar, dia itu jodoh yang baik buat kau", tapi aku tetap percaya dengan apa yang ALLAH dah tentukan untuk aku.. ALLAH yang tentukan hidup aku tau.. bukan kau.. maaflah kalau sepanjang proses majlis pertunangan itu berlangsung aku sedikit sibuk.. tapi sesibuk mana pun aku, aku ada juga masa untuk bersama kau saat kau menangis teresak-esak disebabkan keadaan keluarga kau.. bukan mengungkit.. tapi sedarlah kalau selama ni, kau tak lah perfect sangat untuk dibanggakan.. maaf ya.. semua orang pun ada baik dan buruknya, ada senang dan susahnya, ada bahagia dan deritanya.. aku doakan kau jumpalah dengan lelaki yang boleh tunduk dengan segala arahan kau.. mudah-mudahan kau boleh jadi mem besar dalam rumah kau nanti.. :)

..Wahai saudaraku..

Wahai saudaraku..

Ada beberapa perkara yang kamu perlu tahu tentang wanita di sekelilingmu. Ambil berat tentang perkara-perkara penting ini dan kamu tidak perlu takut tentang kehilangan melainkan yang telah ALLAH tentukan..

Wahai saudaraku..

Tiada apa yang lebih diinginkan oleh seorang wanita melainkan perhatian dan kasih sayang. Wang dan hartamu tidaklah dia hiraukan jika perhatian dan kasih sayangmu tak pernah berkurangan. Dia akan sanggup berkongsi segala kesusahan jika kamu tidak pernah mengabaikan kehadirannya. Lupakah kamu bahawa di sebalik setiap kejayaanmu akan berdiri seorang wanita?

Wahai saudaraku..

Tepatilah janjimu walau sesulit manapun itu. Janganlah kamu berjanji jika semuanya tidak pasti. Akan mereka kenang segala kebaikanmu. Kemaafan pasti akan menjadi milikmu sekiranya kesilapan berlaku di sekejap waktu..

Wahai saudaraku..

Fahamilah dan dengarilah setiap luahan hatinya. Jangan biarkan dia menangis sendirian kerana ALLAH telah memberikan 1001 tanggungjawab di atas bahunya. Ketahuilah bahawa dia menangis bukan untuk simpatimu. Dia menangis hanya untuk melepaskan segala kepenatan dan bangkit kembali meneruskan perjalanan..

Wahai saudaraku..

Jika dia berpaling muka darimu kerana terluka hatinya oleh sikapmu, akuilah. Mohonlah kemaafan dan pujuklah. Kemanjaan itu akan melembutkan hati sekeras batu. Jika ada silapnya, tegurlah dengan cara yang paling berhemah agar hatinya terusik untuk berubah. Bukan dengan herdikan, kerana itu akan menghasilkan kekerasan. Maka kamu tidak akan mendapat perubahan yang kamu inginkan..

Wahai saudaraku..

Hargailah kehadirannya sementara dia masih di sisimu. Jangan nanti apabila dia berlalu pergi, barulah kamu mengakui bahawa dia yang terbaik untukmu. Masa itu sudah terlambat untuk kamu mendapatkannya kembali. Dia tidak akan sewenang-wenangnya meninggalkanmu jika dia tulus mencintaimu. Jika dia sanggup melukai hatinya sendiri dengan meninggalkanmu, itu bermakna dia amat kecewa denganmu. Selangkah mereka pergi, mereka tidak akan kembali lagi..

Wahai saudaraku..sedikit perkongsian untuk kamu fahami..

Aku wanita punya hati nurani yang tak dapat dibohongi

Pabila cinta telah membutakan mata dan membuat tuli telinga

Apakah salah jika aku menyinta?

Apakah salah jika engkau ternyata pilihan hati, belahan jiwaku ini?

Cintaku ini anugerah terindah dari Yang Maha Kuasa

Cintaku padamu tak pernah berubah meskipun kita berbeza

Apakah salah jika aku menyinta?

Apakah salah jika engkau ternyata pilihan hati, belahan jiwaku ini?

Aku wanita, ku kaum hawa yang memang rapuh hatinya

Aku wanita, ku punya cinta selayaknya manusia

Apakah salah jika aku menyinta?

Apakah salah jika engkau ternyata pilihan hati, belahan jiwaku ini?

Aku wanita yang hanya perlu kau fahami..

p/s: ilham dari blog seorang saudara yang bertajuk 20 perkara yang membuatkan wanita benci lelaki

..Changes..

I am all alone. In an empty house. It let my mind go anywhere it want. To the past, even though the past was just 5 minutes ago. Thinking, dreaming, analyzing..

These past few weeks taught me lots of things in life. Lots and lots of it. Good and bad. Love and hate. Funny and sad. Everything called life. Mine got few changes. Others might have one too. Shall we be very grateful on all the changes? Let's say it. Alhamdulillah.. :)

Personal. Since I am currently engaged, of course the plan to get married is there. More and more people keep on asking when is the date. Me? Can't answer such question because the answer is with him. But it is soon insyaALLAH. Just waiting for the rezeki. But I already have one ring for that. Yippie! ;) More preparation is coming i.e. my kursus kahwin and the HIV test and etc. Be patient for the date people. Will update with you guys once it's known. :)

Career. Alhamdulillah. After 6 months working with iMAXX Services Plus, I passed my probation period with flying colours (sounds like exam though..hehe..). Yeay! For this, lots of thanks to ibu, my beloved fiance Mohd Hafiz Ismail and all colleagues that gave me lots of supports for the past 6 months. Oh! not forgetting those who never like me (only one person do I guess) in that office. Sorry, but I don't mind at all. You have to know that you are nothing to me. Say whatever you want to say, people still know who is right and who is wrong. Thanks for the past weeks, now I know not only me who hates you, but almost all of them. Don't cry dear. Think what is your mistakes and just say sorry for that. Simple.

Friends. New are coming. Old has gone. It's like a cycle. But I don't mind. Only the real best friends will stay with you through laugh and tears, stone and sea. And I am glad I have lots of them. For those who has gone, thanks and sorry, but I don't care. Live your life. I forgive you, so don't come back to me. You are good enough to have your friends, and my life is good enough without you. For those who stay, you are appreciated much in my life. I am busy, I admit it. But I am building my career and my new life. And I never forget you. You are always in my pray, my heart, and my mind. Much love for you! :)

And this, is for you, who has gone. Far away. I'll find someone like you. :)

I heard that your settled downThat you found a girl and you're married nowI heard that your dreams came trueGuess she gave you things I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy?  Ain't like you to hold it back or hide from the light.   I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight itI'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over
Never mind, I'll find someone like youI wish nothing but the best for you tooDon't forget me, I begI remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"  Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
You'd know how the time fliesOnly yesterday was the time of our livesWe were born and raised in a summer hazeBound by the surprise of our glory days Nothing compares, no worries or caresRegrets and mistakes, they're memories madeWho would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like youI wish nothing but the best for you tooDon't forget me, I begI remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"  Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...

..Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder..

I am beautiful..

No matter what they say..

Words can't bring me down..

I actually don't understand why there are lots of girls and ladies out there should say that they are not beautiful. I mean, everybody has their own beauty. As long as your heart is beautiful enough to appreciate whatever you have around you, confidence in yourself will arise without you even know it. And that, the fact, make the beauty glows out of you. Yes, darlings! It's the heart who demands the praise, not the face who demands the make-ups! :)

Eyh! But wait! You have to be intelligent enough to pair what you wear. Got what I mean? Yup, you are very right. If you wear something that doesn't suit you, make you look what some people called S.T.U.P.I.D, it is very truly wrong, okay! Remind yourself to be just nice and not over in fashion. If you do, I am afraid that people will freak out. Tsk!

Cantik luar, cantik dalam, cantik dengar sini..

Kalau cantik, senyum cantik, mesti cantik lagi..

Senyum sikit, nak tengok ada tak lesung pipit..

Kalau tak ada pun aku masih mahu cubit..

So, my sayangs, one thing for sure, a lady will look so beautiful if your attitude and your heart is beautiful. Smile. And always smile. It is not just because of sedekah but it's also for your own beauty too. 2 in 1, who does not want it, right? Let us be beautiful because of ALLAH, who will always appreciate the beauty in you, so that your eyes may glow with the beauty you have inside. I am sure most of the people will be impressed, even though the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.. :)

..Emotions..

I know there is something wrong, but I don't know what is it..

I miss someone, but I don't know who is that someone..

I am sad, but I don't know why..

Familiar with this kind of emotions? Yup.. I am having it..now..it's been few days though..Argghh! Positive mood, please come to me..I beg you..please.. I hate this feeling. Hate this so much! Urgh! *cry*

..November 11, 2011..

It was 2 years back. Waking up a bit late after being so tired that night, she got a call. "I'm going back. Can we meet for a moment?". Oh my God! It was like having thunder in her heart. No one can ever see it. Only those who know will realize. Luckily she was all alone. "OK. When and where?", she replied short. "I'll wait for you downstairs". "OK".

There they were, sitting like nothing happened. Trying so hard to be so normal. It was hard, since the girl don't know how to lie. "What time is your flight?", she asked him. "Afternoon. Will make a move shortly. Just wanna meet you before I leave.", he answered. "About your question last night, all I can say is we are just friends. There's nothing between us. I love you like I love all my friends out there. Nothing special. Hope you can understand. Whatever it is, you are still my best friend, and I am ready for that", he said.

She stunned. Silence. Slowly the tears were coming. Coming and coming again. She wiped the tears. All the words were lost. Suddenly she felt like she can't stay too long with him or she'll broke down. "OK. I think I better make a move. I got something to do upstairs. Have a safe journey. Take care.", she suddenly said. He was shocked, and hoped that the girl will stay a bit longer, but she decided to just go. She packed her lappy and go.

Inside her room, she cried so hard. The tears didn't stop. She lost. Didn't know what to do, how it could be that way. She didn't know what she felt. Anger, sad, shocked. Everything was mixing inside her heart. She's crying and crying with the hopes that all the pain could go away from her..

Slowly she's accepting the reality. Even though until now she can still remember that moment, but she take it as a better way shown by ALLAH to have a better love. Alhamdulillah, she's happy. And she always pray for the guy's happiness. The guy he used to love before....

..Salam Aidiladha..

Pengorbanan yang diterima, bersyukurlah..

Pengorbanan yang diberi dan dilupai, redhailah..

Pengorbanan yang dihulur dan dihargai, alhamdulillah..

Semoga keberkatan dari-Nya sentiasa bersama kita, insyaALLAH..

Salam Aidiladha.. :)

..Dear my yayang..

Dear my yayang,

Alhamdulillah. November datang lagi. Setahun sudah. And we are engaged. I am so grateful to have you in my life. Apapun yang kita lalui, apapun orang kata, still our love has grown stronger and stronger. Banyak dugaan yang kita dah lalui. Banyak bisikan luar yang cuba pisahkan kita, but our love has also inspired certain people around us to have a better relationship. Thank you ALLAH..

Thank you yayang, for all the laughter, tears, arguments, thoughts, love, everything. Thank you for all sacrifices that you've made for me along this 1 year we be together. Thank you for convincing me to give the very best answer for your magic question after 3 days we met. I will never forget that moment yang. Never. Walaupun ada yang mengatakan I salah buat pilihan, tapi I tetap yakin dengan you. And I always know, you are the best for me. And I can't wait for that day where we will be as one..much love!xoxo!Mwah!

p/s: this entry is dedicated to my lovely one and only fiancee, Mohd Hafiz Ismail as this month is our first anniversary together.. :)

..Judgmental - a typical Malay mindset..

Today is Wednesday. But since this morning I had a 'Monday blues' feeling. Erks! Something is not right. It is, actually, but it's not the thing that I want to focus here. Can't hide it, but can't show it either. So, let it be like how it supposed to be..

Talking to an old friend had really cheer up my day. Well, not exactly talking. We were ym-ing (where the hell did I get this word?haha!) while I was in the office (yeah!sounds naughty, I know.. =P) doing my work. And she is not a really OLD friend like someone I knew since I was in my kindergarten years. Nope. We were being friends since we were in our matriculation year. Accidentally we were in a same class and a same tutorial group. ALLAH's fate, we also went to the same university and staying in the same college. But one thing I realized while talking to her is, she always be with me. Sharing the laughters and tears. And suddenly I was laughing to myself, simply because I think it's funny to know the fact that someone you think is not your good friend is actually the one and someone you think is the one is actually not..

Judgmental. It's a typical Malaysian mind. Same goes to me here, though. I saw someone. A guy. He's so selekeh, wearing a half-buttoned shirt, slipper and walking like a lazy man. In my mind I thought, he must be a kampung man who like to berfoya-foya all the time and not having responsibilities towards his family. Or he might be a man who has 2 wives, or maybe 3. Haha! My mind is so naughty! When my fiancees food is ready, I already forgot about this man. Again, ALLAH's fate, I saw him. This time, he is with HIS WIFE and his CHILDREN. They were eating and talking happily and there were lots of foods on their table. Adoiyai.. Hahaha! I was so wrong! Pity him..

Don't make judgments towards people. Strangers or not, everybody has their own character. Sometimes you might think a person is good, but that person might also turned out not to be one. So, the best way is, don't put any hopes, and learn to accept people as who they are..

"Anyone who does not love, will not be loved either" - Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

..It's my life, though..

Being a girl named Nur Suhailah binti Salahuddin is totally not simple. You will experience lots of hard times rather than easy one. And when i say it's not simple, i meant it. It's like you can have a moment of happiness in 5 minutes, then in another 5 minutes time, you will feel the pain. Again and again. You will lose faith even in yourself. You will love people who don't really love you and lose people you love. You will..

I still remember what my mom had teach me to go through the hardships of life. She always say "be patient and pray. ALLAH will give you the strength". Oh, how I miss her! Her laugh, her smile, her shoulder to cry on..

Whatever it is, don't ever show your tears. People never like it. All you will get is "crying is not a solution. So, stop crying" words. They just don't understand that we are crying just to release all the weaknesses we have and gain the strength again. They will never want to understand. But ALLAH do. I always believe that HE will always do..

Thank you ALLAH for giving me my strength. I know I have to face them. What to do? It's my life, though..

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

..It's just me being a new me..

Assalamualaikum..

Finally, my new blog is here and this is my first entry of all.. After going through another stage of life, I am gonna share everything I have in my new matured mind. Yup, might be a bit late since it has been a month now. But my busy career and love life have shorten my time to realize what I want..

Being a fiancee to a guy is not as easy as what you think. Especially those who never had one and never want to understand. Lots of things have to be sacrificed. Your free time, your heart, your life, your hu-ha times with your friends, etc.etc. Lots of it. But with the love you had, you actually never realize that you are spreading the love towards everyone around you (only for those who don't  have the ice inside their soul lah).. You will be very happy to see everyone being so happy for you and praying for your best. Suddenly you will realize that you never lose anything but you are gaining more..

To those who are still in my life, thank you so much. Only ALLAH can pay for everything you've done. To those who already gone, may you have the best in your life. Thanks a lot for all the experiences, values, love, memories, everything. To you Mr. fiancee, this love is totally for you. I had take one step towards you. InsyaALLAH, I will take another one more step and I'm all yours. Much love! :)